How to Talk About Gratitude When You’re Struggling
November often brings a flood of messages about gratitude. Reminders to count our blessings, keep a gratitude journal, or “focus on the good.” While these ideas can be meaningful, they can also feel heavy when life isn’t going smoothly. When you’re grieving, burned out, or simply worn down, the idea of “being grateful” can sound like one more thing you’re failing to do.
But gratitude doesn’t have to mean ignoring pain or pretending everything is okay. In fact, talking about gratitude while struggling can be a deeply healing practice when it’s done with honesty and compassion.
1. Acknowledge What’s Hard
Before gratitude can feel real, we have to give space to what’s real. That might mean naming your stress, sadness, or anger without judgment. Gratitude and grief can coexist; recognizing your pain doesn’t cancel out your thankfulness; it simply makes it more authentic.
Try: “This year has been really hard. I’m grateful for the people who’ve helped me get through it.”
2. Redefine What Gratitude Means
Gratitude doesn’t have to be loud or performative. It can be quiet, like a small sense of relief, a fleeting moment of connection, or noticing something that gives you a breath of peace. When gratitude becomes less about big gestures and more about noticing, it becomes accessible again.
Try: “I’m grateful I made it outside today.”
“I’m grateful for this cup of coffee.”
“I’m grateful I had the energy to show up.”
Small gratitudes are still valid gratitudes.
3. Let Gratitude Be Shared, Not Forced
Sometimes gratitude feels easier when it’s expressed outwardly; when you thank someone else or acknowledge their kindness. If personal reflection feels too heavy, start by speaking appreciation into your relationships. It builds connection and reminds you that gratitude is a bridge, not a burden.
Try: Send a short note or text: “Thinking of you. I appreciate you.”
No list-making required.
4. Be Honest About Mixed Emotions
You can be both thankful and tired, both grateful and anxious. Allowing space for those contradictions is part of being human. When we talk about gratitude in black-and-white terms (“I should feel thankful”) we lose sight of its nuance. The most powerful gratitude often lives in the middle ground.
5. Practice Compassion Over Perfection
If gratitude feels out of reach, that’s okay. Some seasons are about simply surviving. In those times, the most compassionate thing you can do is to release pressure and return to it later. Gratitude will wait for you. It’s not something you have to earn.
The Bottom Line
Gratitude isn’t about ignoring struggle. It’s about making room for complexity and finding glimmers of goodness without denying the hard parts. When we approach it with gentleness, gratitude stops being a demand and becomes a doorway to honesty, connection, and quiet healing.
At Rivertown Wellness, we believe mental health and emotional honesty can coexist with hope. If you’re finding it hard to access gratitude this season, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to navigate that feeling on your own.